Who We Were and Forever Will Be
by the13thgraduate
Summary: Married and with children, Donna finds herself going back to her High School sweetheart. But even though she continues an unusual relationship with Eric Forman, it is very obvious her feelings over his decision to go to Africa clearly haunts her.


_~I don't own That '70s Show _

* * *

**Who We Were and Forever Will Be **

It was a mistake.

Getting married at twenty was a mistake. It was something all her friends warned her about, but she just didn't want to listen to them. She thought she knew better, but she was just a stupid kid then. Know, after all these years had piled on top of her, she knew better.

She copped out of life.

After Eric had left to Africa, she just didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to take the rejection. She had loved him so much. She had loved him more than she allowed herself to love anyone. He was hers, or so she had thought.

She supposed he had tricked her in a way. He claimed to love her so. He would say it to anyone who would listen to him. Now that she looked back, perhaps she was the only one paying attention. It was hard at first, to trust another with her heart. But she trusted him. All that fuss for him to then, just like that, leave for Africa.

Maybe she deserved it. Maybe she didn't. But after a couple of decades, does it really matter anymore?

And everyone knows this story. Everyone is tired of hearing it. They all defend his actions anyway. Her friends, his family...her friends are his friends, and his family is hers. And yet they all chose to defend him over her.

"He did it for you, Donna. He did it to deserve you."

But did anyone of them had been made out to look like an idiot? For months she clung on to those telephone calls from across the Atlantic. And at first he reassured her that they would be together again. And like so many other females she had made fun of in passing, she listened to him.

She dyed her hair, a physical scar of how insecure Eric had made her feel, without trying to do so. She dyed her hair, a physical manifestation of how insecure she felt without Eric by her side. And then she dyed it some more, as a shrine to everything she gave up- everything she gave up to "deserve" him. Somehow her sacrifice and his were not equal.

The whole thing reminded her of a small statue of a yellow canary she once had. Her grandmother gave it to her when she was four. She remembered her grandmother told her to be careful with it because it was breakable. But one day she had discovered her parents fighting on Christmas Day. When she asked them to stop because they could scare off Santa, they let her know very bluntly that there was no Santa Claus. Later they tried to make it up to her, but the damage was done. She thought about how foolish she was for believing in magic, in love. But she didn't cry. No, she just got angry. She grabbed her grandmother's canary and threw it against the wall so hard, letting all her anger out. It shattered into so many pieces. Later on, after she cooled down, she tried desperately to piece it back together with glue, but no matter how hard she tried, the little yellow bird had "healed" incorrectly. It was never the same again.

Was she like that now? Healed incorrectly, and destined to never be whole again?

She was afraid she would be until _he_ came back home. She remembered it all too well- the day Eric came back from Africa. Her stomach sank as her head felt so light upon seeing him after that hard year of being away from him. He looked the same. But she knew she didn't. The stress of waiting him had taken its toll on her. She saw the new wrinkles over her once beautiful, youthful face. She had aged before her time, and he stayed stuck at 16. Would he still love her?

He smiled at her. His eyes twinkled like the day they first met. That anger and regret that she had been carrying on her shoulders disappeared when he let out a nervous, "Awk-wwward."

Oh how she missed him. From his smile down to his fingertips and more. So much more. And if he noticed her tiredness, he never said it. Something she was grateful for. And they picked up right where they left off. But it was always the same with them. They went around in circles in their relationship. Neither of them could grow as they stayed stagnant for so long, suffocating. One or both would have to change for their relationship to grow, because at the rate they were going, they were headed straight for disaster. So finally, she chose to break up with him.

They had been together only three days.

He seemed upset at first. So she did something impulsive. She did something stupid. After she broke up with Eric, she got married.

No one was more shocked than Eric Forman.

She supposed she did it because she couldn't stand to be alone.

And now here she was. Her hair still stained platinum, the ridges in her soul deeper than those of her body. Her body slightly more out of shape than when she was sixteen. But then again, having four children could do that to a woman. Come to think of it, a broken marriage could do that to a woman.

Her fingers drummed the steering wheel of her minivan, wondering if this was another mistake she was making. Here, in the parking lot of a dirty motel, staring at the boy who made her feel young again through a smoky window.

Now she supposed being with him at a rundown motel was a little on the skanky side of things, but she was tired of being home with her husband. After all this time, their marriage was an act, and she was the academy award winning actress. So she needed to break away, a change of scenario. And who better than with a man who was in a desperate need for a change of space himself?

In the main lobby, Eric waited silently for her to arrive. He was absolutely nervous. He kept jumping a little in his seat, not quite sure if he was doing the right thing or not. When he first started teaching, he wasn't so sure if it was a good idea to do it in Point Place. His mother encouraged him to, that way he could meet a nice fellow female teacher. But he knew it wouldn't work. The other teachers were all older than him and used to be _his_ teachers when he was in grade school. And besides, he couldn't think of anything other than Donna when he got back. But, the second he offered another go at their beaten relationship, she refused him.

Sure, they had that three day fling, but that wasn't love.

Kelso said it "was just a phase"

Fez kindly suggested, "She's playing hard to get"

Hyde told him the truth, "She's hurt. What the hell did you expect?"

And now, at the age of 45, his once lime-green eyes were dully darkened with life. He then looked down at his older, softened hands. He wondered if he made the right decision all those years ago. And he was wondering if he making the right decision now. All Donna said was where and when she wanted to meet with him. He always felt guilty of how life turned out between them, so he reluctantly agreed.

Though, for the life of him, he couldn't fathom what Donna wanted with him. He had gained weight, nothing like Bob or Big Rhonda, but he still gained a small belly. He blamed the beer he'd consumed since he was fifteen and his mother's good home cooking. He figured those two elements could change his scrawny frame.

He used to marvel at what a 'computer' was in '79. Now he was more amazed than ever at their ingenuity. He took out a small flip cell phone from his pocket. To think there was a time when he thought car-phones and CB radios would never go out of style. To think there was a time when he was convinced the '70s would live on forever. To think he never thought he would get old.

He heard the door open, the jingles of the bells above it ringing hollowly.

When he looked up, he saw her. She looked about the same, except she seemed somewhat defeated as if life had gotten the better of her. But he just sat there, staring up at her. Then clumsily waved at her, growing more self-conscious of that bald spot on the back of his head he tried so hard everyday to comb over. He found himself oddly trying to scrape his hair to the front, nodding, "So, hello."

But she went straight to business, "Did you get the room?"

"Um, yes I did-"

"Alright then." She took ahold of his hand, her eyes gesturing to the exit, "Let's go."

He quickly moved his feet, only slightly ashamed that the chair he'd been sitting at for almost half an hour let out a squeak of relief when his weight was lifted off it.

The first thing that hit their faces was the crispness of the Wisconsin air. Neither said anything as Eric clumsily kept by her side and pointed to the direction of their room.

As soon as they reached it, he opened it and they both stepped inside. It wreaked of ethanol and carbon. Eric took one look at the bed and noticed how absolutely filthy it appeared. White sheets were stained yellow and yellow sheets were stained brown. The carpet was a dirty orange, filled with particles of anyone's guess.

She didn't seem to care, "It's perfect."

He looked at the dresser mirror across from them. Their reflections were both in the frame, and Eric couldn't help but notice the giant crack in the mirror from the top to the bottom, separating their reflections clean in half. Enough was enough.

"I can't do this anymore, Donna."

She turned around to face him, confused, "Do what?"

Eric let out a breath, "You. Me. _Us_. In here, like _animals_." He walked around the room, grabbing an ash tray, "Is this what we've been reduced to?! Sneaking around behind everyone's backs! Lying to everyone about us! Lying to ourselves?!"

She shrugged casually, "In a minute you'll be fine. You're just excited."

Eric shook his head, "You- You are way too good at this, lady. You like it way too much."

She appeared insulted, "Yeah, I find this predicament absolutely dandy."

"And we've been sneaking around with one another for awhile and, and I just want to-to-,"

She closed the curtains of the motel room, dust lingering around her as she coldly instructed him, "While we are all still alive, please just ask it already."

"Donna, I've been thinking about your children."

Her eyes darkened, "_My_ children?"

"And when I look at your kids, and I look at them good…are they even your husband's?"

That question certainly got a reaction. She narrowed her blue eyes at him, hissing, "Of course they are, and don't ever ask me a question like that again."

His head bowed, ashamed of even bringing up that topic, "It's just, we've been doing _this_ for awhile and I thought…I thought that maybe one or all could possibly be-"

"Don't."

"But can you blame me?"

She stared at him for a moment before sighing, "Can you blame me?"

He sighed, placing the ash tray back down. With his forefinger, he traced it's outline. He then said, his eyes on it rather than her, "Sometimes I think you rushed into marriage."

She shrugged, taking off her heels, "Didn't we all? Everyone just wanted to grow up back then."

He sat next to her, "You didn't do it to grow up. You accepted because of Africa."

She looked over at him, sliding her coat off her shoulders. She pushed him down under her, stating quickly, "It's all water under the bridge that I've built to get over everything."

He wriggled underneath her, his eyes on her lips, "Does that include me?"

She pressed them into his, huskily breathing out, "Let's not think about it anymore than we have to." Her hands slowly ran to the top of his head. The tips of her fingers toyed with his hair, something she knew bothered him.

He grabbed her wrists, mumbling, "Don't. Please, not like that."

She shot him a pathetic smirk, "Just pretend I'm _your_ wife, Mr. Forman."

He looked over at the wedding ring about to fall off her ring finger. He couldn't help himself. Instantly he got angry. He rolled over to one side, pushing her off him.

She slinked over to one side, shrugging, "_Or_, if you want, I could ditch the ring and we could make like a boy meets girl sort of thing."

It pained him to hear those words, "Stop."

She continued, "Tell me what you want."

He then walked over to the cracked mirror, huffing, "We need to stop this. It isn't healthy."

She came up behind him, snapping, "Excuse me if what we have isn't exactly on a low calorie menu."

He turned around, looking her in the eye, "I agreed to this, this _arrangement_ of ours because I was hoping I could, that _we_ could…I want you the way you used to be."

She gave him a puzzled look, "I'm the same."

He shook his head, sitting at the foot of the bed, "No. You're not."

When she saw herself in the mirror, she saw the line that separated her face. The crack was diagonal, with tiny ridges every which way. She then looked down on Eric. He seemed riddled with guilt. And so very tired.

She took pity on him, and sat next to him on the bed. After a moment of silence, she placed her arm over his shoulders. And then she said something that she hadn't said in years, "You know I love you, don't you?"

He looked up, astonished that she said it so open and honestly.

Her eyes slightly watered as she cleared her voice, "I love you so much. So much, Eric."

Immediately he hugged her, relieved at her declaration. He whispered in her ear, "And I you, with all my heart."

She couldn't help herself as she pulled back slightly, joking, "You know I'm not a slice of cake, right?"

At that they both started chuckling, the mood around them lightening up.

He then nodded, "Do, do you wanna catch a movie or something?"

She shrugged, "I would, but the Drive-In's closed."

"Oh. Yeah…well, whatta 'bout something to eat?"

She pointed out, "They tore down the Vinyard for an outlet mall." He mumbled bitterly, "Oh yeah. Who are we to get in the way of progress?"

It seemed all their favorite haunts were either torn down or where empty shells of buildings.

He then looked up at her, intense determination in his eyes, "Say, I have an idea. Now, I know it's not the best, but give it a shot. Okay?"

She tilted her head to one side, nodding slowly, "It would appear you've peeked my interest."

He smiled, standing up. His hand then reached out to hers.

()()()()()()()

They sat on top of the hood of the Vista Cruiser, a small cooler between them both in the center of what used to be the Point Place Drive-In Movie Theatre. But now it was an old, abandoned parking lot with the giant screen of the fifties still up. Of the screens left up, almost all had their own personal collection of plant growth growing on them. All, except one that was somehow torn down completely.

Eric looked up at the darkness that which illuminated them, taking out a couple cold beers from his cooler. They cracked them open as Eric pointed to one screen in particular, "Remember that one?"

It was the one torn down completely. All that remained was a tiny corner, but nothing more.

She let out a big smile, "Of course. That was where we _didn't _see The Omen."

He chuckled a bit, looking real proud of himself, "Yeah, it was sort of special, wasn't it?"

She withheld her smirk as she pointed out, "Didn't you drop me off the hood of this very car?"

He stopped smiling, his eyes growing large as he recollected that night. She then took a sip of her beer before adding, "And weren't Kelso and Jackie mauling each other in the back seat? They were shoving their feet in our faces…"

He cleared his voice, looking rather embarrassed, "Yeah, well, I never said it was Disneyland 'special'. Besides, you were the one who invited them!"

She was surprised that after all that time he remembered that tiny fact. She took another sip, defending herself, "Hey, it was my first time at a Drive-In and I didn't know the rules."

He gave her a knowing smirk, "But you sure figured it out fast, didn't you?"

She swatted his knee playfully, "Shut up, dink."

He then raised his hand, "Oh, wait-wait a second. I almost forgot!" He then pulled out a fresh postcard and placed it on his windshield wiper, smiling, "Now there it is."

She looked over at the postcard, wondering what it was he was doing. But she couldn't see it that well. She told herself it was the bad lighting of the place, but deep down she knew that wasn't it. It was just the plain fact that she forgot her bifocals. And though her husband often assured her that some women needed them in their mid '40s just like she did, it still made her feel old.

So, she just never wore them.

Eric sensed what the problem was when she had stared at the picture a few seconds longer than she should have. He then reached into his blazer pocket and pulled out his pair of reading glasses, handing them over to her. By the look on her face, she was embarrassed that he figured her out so fast.

"No, no." she assured him, pulling the picture back at arm's length, "I can see it pretty good."

He scooted closer to her, "Donna, don't be silly. It's just me and you. Here," He reached around her, and put his glasses squarely on her face as carefully as he could. She rolled her eyes, but made no motion to stop him. She stayed perfectly still until the glasses were resting comfortably on the bridge of her nose. As soon as they were on, she insisted, "Eric, I don't need-" She caught a glimpse of the picture before commenting, "An Island? This is just a postcard of some city island!"

He scooted closer to her, his warm breath whispering in her ear, "Which island?"

She read the tiny text at the corner, "Long Island?"

He had a dopey smile on his face, "On our first date, you drank Long Island Iced Tea." Her face was the picture of humiliation as she groaned, "Oh crap, that's right!"

He started letting out a small laugh, "You were so out of it."

Ashamed, she sighed, "I was so out of it."

She turned to him, remorse etched upon her face, "I threw up on your shoes."

He nodded, telling her fondly, "You threw up on my shoes."

She ran her fingers through her hair, groaning, "Eric, these are terrible memories."

He was right next to her, telling her, "I love each and every one." He then nipped her neck, his beer slipping from his hand and falling by the tire of The Cruiser. "Each and every one…" With a shiver going through her, she dropped her beer can and neither cared as it rolled down the hood and toppled to the grass. Both of their breaths picked up, both of them only seeing the young individual they had fallen in love with.

Before either of them knew it, they were all over each other, tugging and tearing off parts of their clothing. His blazer was the first to go. Then her heels. His tie loosened. Then he loosened the buttons on her shirt. She felt a little ridiculous, what with the glasses still being on her forehead, but he reached for them and took them off. They even kicked off the small cooler, but neither paused to see if the beers inside were okay. They just kept at it, like teenagers.

But being a teen was a long time ago. But as she was there with him, under the stars, maybe it wasn't such a long time after all.

()()()()()()()()

After their rondevu in the old Drive-In, he took her back to the motel where her car was still parked. She was almost sorry that their night had to be over. It was one of the best times she had had with him in years. And as he went one way in his old station wagon, she went another in her vehicle. And while she drove, she thought of all the things he made her feel.

She then went to a pizza place, knowing her kids would be waiting up for her and if she showed up without food, they'd never forgive her. Especially her son. Sometimes it seemed that the boy could eat anything on sight.

She was still in a buzz until she arrived home. She noticed her husband's car parked in the garage. What was going to be her excuse this time? Midnight yoga with an old friend that made her feel seventeen again?

As she climbed up the porch steps, each one creaked. That signaled her arrival as clear as day. Soon the door burst open as a handful of teens with red hair greeted her in. Or at least she thought it was her, because her son seemed more interested in the box in her hands.

Her three girls asked her where she was, what was she doing so late, and a bunch of other questions that made her wonder if she was the parent of child in these relationships. She told them to hurry up and grab a slice so they could stop interrogating her. But her oldest wasn't buying what she was selling. The girl even followed her into the kitchen.

"Mom, this is the second time this week you've been out late! Like, are you having problems at work-"

She opened up the refrigerator, pulling out a soda, "I just had to work late."

Her daughter raised an eyebrow, noting what looked like a sloppy bruise on her mother's throat. "Interesting spot on yer neck there, mom."

Donna immediately covered her neck, saying quickly, "I met up with your father right after leaving work."

The girl raised an eyebrow, not quite believing her as she informed her mother, "Then why was dad here a whole hour before you?"

She could feel her cheeks reddening as she snapped, "I drive slow! Now go check on your sisters and brother!"

Her daughter backed out of the kitchen, groaning, "Okay Miss Grumpy Pants."

"I heard that!"

Her daughter hollered back, "You were meant too!"

And then her husband entered the kitchen. Donna was too busy having her back turned from the door to notice. She had reached for the medicine box on one of the top cabinets. She was then busy taking out a bandage before anyone else could have the chance to ask about-

"That's quite the mark on your neck."

She spun around, her husband of twenty-five years staring at her quietly. He walked around the table, his hands fiddling with each other.

Donna nodded, eyeing the kitchen door, "Y-Yes. I was, um, I fell."

Her husband responded coolly, "Then let me take a look at it. Bruises can be very bad."

Her eyes flickered with worry as she shook her head, "No, I'm alright."

He then took out his pair of reading glasses, saying, "Hold still." But instinctively her head jerked. He gave her a look, smirking, "Now you're being silly, let me take a look at-" She rolled her eyes, "I'm being silly? What are you doing? Admiring your handiwork, _Eric_?"

He smiled, "I didn't know I got you this bad. I mean, it was dark, and you were…everywhere."

She smiled right back at him, pushing his head lightly, "You are such a dork."

He pushed hers back, "No, you are." And she did it again, this time saying, " 'Tupid." She peered into her living room, making sure all four of the kids were munching away at Pizza, too preoccupied with television to notice that their parents were missing. When she decided that none of them were going to interrupt her and her husband anytime soon, she turned back to Eric, "Honestly, how could you think none of them were yours?"

Eric gave a pathetic shrug, "I dunno. You seemed awfully good at sneaking around. I guess I was afraid that maybe you, you-"

She completed his thought, "That maybe _before_ I was sneaking around with you, I might've been sneaking around with some other fella?"

He seemed embarrassed enough, bowing his head, "…yeah."

She walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, "C'mon. You know you're the only horny nerd boy for me."

"You were an hour late." He raised an eyebrow at her suspiciously, "Where were you?"

She swatted his chest, "Getting pizza for the four musketeers back there, you know that."

He held on to her, admitting, "Yeah, but I wasn't sure about anything. About pizza… About us. We got married in such a rush. I mean, we weren't even dating when we got engaged! And I had this feeling that the only reason you married me was because you were afraid I was going to leave you again. And then we had these trust issues, oh, everything was just a mess."

She stared at his lips, agreeing, "It was, wasn't it?"

"Marriage should be about love, not fear. And then we were just roommates who swapped DNA a couple of times-"

"_Four_ times."

He swallowed, "Yeah, four. And we were so out of sync, Donna. I was afraid I was losing you. And then we started doing this weird motel sex game to rescue what was left our intimacy,"

She looked at him, reminding him, "It was your idea."

"Yeah, but it just made everything worse. We were like complete strangers just prostituting ourselves and I was getting to the point where I couldn't stomach it."

She had to admit, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

He looked at her, pulling her closer to him, "For a second there, I thought what we had was gone. But then tonight came, and all the goodness came back." His hands slowly massaged her lower back as he commented, "We came back to each other."

She kissed him, confessing, "I thought it was gone too." Her hands started to roam toward his belt, as she flashed him that same easy going smile from decades before, "But then again, you and me, we're never really finished with each other, are we?"

They started kissing, pulling each other closer until the kitchen door opened. Both Eric and Donna pulled apart like a couple of high-stung teenagers as their oldest daughter made a face, "If you have to do that, would you mind it being not so close to the kitchen table? I eat there."

Both Eric and Donna exchanged looks, both remembering a time they were interrupted during one of their adventures together, which was on top of a kitchen table. Eric coughed, "Yeah,"

The seventeen year old noticed how unfazed her father seemed by her mother's apparent reddish blemish on her neck. Obviously this led to one conclusion. The girl grabbed another slice of pizza, commenting, "I guess she really did meet up with you, huh dad?"

Eric began coughing uncomfortably.

Donna took his cue and grabbed her daughter's shoulders, "Alright Erika, you got your slice, now beat it. I'm talking to your father."

"No, you are not _talking_ with him!"

Donna practically threw her out the front door, "And I'm not talking with you either. Now go look after your siblings."

He stared at the spot his daughter once was, "It's amazing. We spent the first half of our life sneaking around our parents, and now we're sneaking around our kids."

She then turned toward Eric, "You were the one who wanted kids."

He had to admit, "They're a lot of trouble, aren't they?"

Donna narrowed her eyes at her eldest as she retreated back with the others, "Especially that one. She ran over _Mr. Bonkers the Second_ when she was practicing for her drivers test."

Eric held in a laugh, "Yeah, they are mine, aren't they?"

She looked over at him, amused, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

His eyes danced as he asked her playfully, "You're not just telling me what I want to hear, right?"

She kissed his cheek, "I think I could be less obvious if I were."

He then offered his wife his arm, "Shall we join our family, my lady?"

She stared at him for a whole second as if contemplating something. But just as doubt started creeping back into him, she put on a sweet smile, taking his arm, "Of course, darling."

Arm in arm they walked into the living room, with Eric happily glancing at her every few steps they took. He had his doubts, but the girl he loved had finally came back to him. She had forgiven him for leaving her, and now they could finally be happy. There was no mistaking it.**  
**


End file.
